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A Modern Modest Proposal
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It is a melancholy object to those who walk through the magazine aisle of their local grocery store to be constantly shown images of the ideal women and men, and then to be thrust into the real world where these toned and slender beings do not often walk. These grocery store men and women are sent into a world of oversized non models that are an eye sore to everyone that must gaze upon them. I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of ugly people is in the present deplorable state of the nation a very great additional grievance; and therefore, whoever could find a fit, cheap, and easy method of making these monstrosities, the now seemingly average sized men or women, useful and more appealing members of the commonwealth even when compared to the magazine images shown by the media, would deserve so well of the public as to have his or her statue set up for a preserver of the nation. But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the pleasantly plump men and women scrolling through the magazine aisle; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take into account the whole of the American economy and import/ export industry. It is true that a human can live on average 8 - 10 days without food or water. He or she can than live considerably longer if allowed drinking water or if the air is particularly humid ( “Fasting” 39) . It is also true that U.S. agricultural imports have sky rocketed in past years “reaching $39 billion in fiscal 2000, a 72% increase in ten years” ( Economic Research Service 5 ). Therefore I propose we begin instituting among our citizens of all ages a government regulated fasting schedule which after a few months, maybe even weeks, will begin to shed pounds and reveal to the world the anorexic bodies we knew our nation always possessed. The new schedule will cause such a lowering in the demand for food crop in the nation that the U.S. will experience a dramatic decrease in the number of imports it receives and exports will climb as excess food is shipped to countries that do not have the correct soil developed for certain crops. This will help give the economy a much needed boost, and provide the U.S. with yet another area in which to be the most efficient, beautiful and powerful nation in the world. There is likewise another great advantage to my scheme, that it will prevent those needless deaths from clogged arteries and greasy foods which only work to make the body unclean.
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