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The term 'self esteem' is one that comes with many definitions. A common theme that arises from the various meanings is that it is to do with value - an evaluation of the self. In other words, self esteem could also be described as ‘self worth or ‘self image’. (Santrock, 2001: 380) I would describe self esteem as an experience; a way of experiencing the self. This is, of course, a subjective experience and hence influenced by different intervening factors. In this discussion, I will focus on the impact of parents, identity, belonging, achievement, security and attachment on the development of self esteem during childhood. For the purposes of this discussion, I am assuming that it is during the growth phase of childhood that much cognitive and personal development, including that of self esteem, occurs. Many factors influence our self esteem. Arguably, none is likely to be as important as the influence of parents, due to the values they instil. These can lead a child either toward or away from growing healthy self-esteem. To explain, the value a child attaches to a particular skill or quality is affected by parental attitudes and values (Bee, 2000: 333). It is not enough to simply be good at something; that ‘something’ must be important and of value to the child. For example, Tommy’s father Bill likes rugby and practices with his son. Through this, Tommy learns that rugby is important to his father and he comes to value the sport as a skill. Tommy makes the rugby team at school and feels a good sense of accomplishment and worth. There is, of course, no harm in this situation – often we come to value that which was emphasised to us during growing up. However, consider the negative aspect of the above example: What if Tommy perceives that his father’s approval is dependent on his good rugby performance? In such a case, it is possible that Tommy may feel he is not 'measuring up', and he could experience an increased discrepancy between ideal and achievement and a decrease in support from the parents (Bee, 2000: 301). In a very thorough investigation of parent-child relationships (Coopersmith in Santrock, 2001: 381), various parental actions were found to be linked to boys' high self esteem: - expression of affection - concern about the child's problems - harmony in the home - participation in joint family activities - availability to give competent, organised help to the boys when needed - setting clear and fair rules - abiding by these rules - allowing the children freedom within well-prescribed limits. What if these parental actions were not as apparent? Consider a situation where they could be neglected, however unintentionally. In the instance of a divorce for the parents, for example, it is possible that the child will be subject to a lot of negative emotions such as frustration and anger. The child could even blame himself for the divorce. Or worse, the child could be pushed by a parent towards taking their side. Thus, in these crucial years when the child requires security and support from his parents to develop and maintain his sense of self esteem, the complete opposite could (and does) occur.
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