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Shidduch – woman choosing her man The very first stage of a traditional Jewish marriage is the shidduch, or matchmaking. This means that the process of finding a partner is not haphazard or based on purely external aspects. Rather, a close friend or relative of the young man or woman, who knows someone that they feel may be a compatible partner, suggests that they meet. The purpose of the meeting is for the prospective bride and groom to determine if they are indeed compatible. The meetings usually focus on discussion of issues important to marriage as well as casual conversation. The Talmud states that the couple must also be physically attractive to each other, something that can only be determined by meeting. According to Jewish law physical contact is not allowed between a man and a woman until they are married (except for certain close relatives), and also they may not be alone together in a closed room or secluded area. This helps to ensure that one's choice of partner will be based on the intellect and emotion as opposed to physical desire alone. Vort – The engagement When the families have met, and the young couple have decided to marry, the families usually announce the occasion with a small reception, known as a vort. Some families sign a contract, the tenaim, meaning "conditions," that delineates the obligations of each side regarding the wedding and a final date for the wedding. Others do this at the wedding reception an hour or so before the marriage. One week before the wedding the bride and groom, stop seeing each other, in order to enhance the joy of their wedding through their separation. After the engagement Once the couple have gotten engaged, they will begin by getting their necessary household things together and find somewhere to live together. The wedding day may be set for any day of the week, apart from the Sabbath or festival days this is because they do not want to celebrate two joyous occasions on the same day and so prefer to do it on a normal day of the Jewish calendar. Another thing to consider about the date of the wedding is that the bride (or kallah in Hebrew) will plan the wedding when she is not expected to be menstruating because a sexual relationship is strictly forbidden at that time. Before the wedding On the Shabbat of the week before the ceremony, the groom (or chatan in Hebrew) is called to the Torah to encourage him to look for the Torah as their guide through married life. After this, the congregation will shower him with raisins and nuts to symbolise their best wishes for a sweet and fruitful marriage The kallah will also put on a party-forshpiel- for her friends and family and they will express the same wishes for her as they did with the chatan. Form the few days before the wedding, the couple are considered to be treated like royalty and therefore are not to be seen in public without a personal escort. Mikveh - The Ritual Bath On the night before the wedding, the bride and some of her family and friends visit the mikveh, the ritual bath. Here, the bride will pray for her love of her husband, her prayers for their marriage and her joy in the moment. The ritual may be repeated on a monthly basis, if the Bride chooses to, so as to keep in with Jewish laws regarding family purity and sexual relations. Men, too, may take the advantage from this unique type of spiritual cleansing. If she is menstruating, the visit to the mikveh will be postponed until after the wedding. But this is unlikely as it states that the wedding should be set on a date when the woman is not menstruating. Fasting It is customary for the bride and groom to fast on the day of the wedding. On this day, God forgives the bride and groom their previous sins, so that they can begin their life together fresh and new. Therefore the bride and groom will treat this day as a private Yom Kippur. They will add Yom Kippur confessions to their afternoon prayers; recite the Book of Psalms, asking for forgiveness for the wrongdoings of their early life, committed intentionally or unintentionally, before starting their new life together. Kabbalat Panim - Greeting the Bride and Groom The wedding receptions are held separately since the Chatan and Kallah do not see each other during the week prior to the wedding.
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