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Free Membership Registration So you want access to our archive of free essays and term papers? All you need to do is register and verify your email address! You must use the correct email address in order to activate your account. We do not give out your email address or any other personal information to anyone for any reason. Well, what are you waiting for? All fields in red are required! One copy A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this machine work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy." Alcohol at work Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work... It's an incentive to show up. It reduces stress. It leads to more honest communication. It reduces complaints about low pay. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. It encourages carpooling. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job,you don't care. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. Assumptions In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was on the face of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, it is a crock of shit and it stinks. And the Workers went unto the Supervisors and said, it is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell. And the Supervisors went unto the Managers, saying, it is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide it. And the Managers went unto the Directors, saying, it is a vessel of fertiliser, and none can stand against its strength. And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents, saying, it promotes growth, and it is very powerful. And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying, This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company with very powerful effects. And the President looked upon the Plan and he saw that it was good. And the Plan became Policy. And this is how shit happens. Memo John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers. 1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without 3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always 5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended 6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee 7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no 8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound 9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be 10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be 12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13. executed as soon as possible. Signed ... Jim A MEMO WAS SOON SENT, FOLLOWING THE INITIAL LETTER: John, That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my true assessment of him. Regards ... Jim" D Ten T Error I’d like to share a little anecdote that happened in the office the other day.
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