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Chinese Family Dynamics, Roles and Values
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Chinese culture has always fascinated me in that its values and traditions are different from that of American culture. A few weeks ago, while eating with my friend, Wenjing, who recently came from Shanghai, I started wondering ¡°what is the biggest difference between the two cultures?¡± and so I asked her. At first she gave me a glare of confusion. Then she sat for a minute or two in silence and finally responded, ¡°Probably family relationships.¡± On this occasion and the other many lunches we would share together, she explained to me the differences that exist between the two cultures in family dynamics, roles and values. Throughout our numerous conversations, Wenjing kept mentioning that in Chinese culture, the family is an economic unit. She said, ¡°We share our money and have one bank account. My parents always say ¡®my money is your money¡¯¡They trust me and as long as it¡¯s for a good purpose, my parents just give me money. American parents don¡¯t do that; they give their kids fixed allowance or loan their kids money.¡± Indeed, sharing a common household budget is part of Chinese culture. The possessions, income, and expenses of all family members are pooled, and decisions about resource distribution are the legitimate business of all family members. It has been convincingly argued that the common budget is one of the most important defining characteristics of Chinese families. One effect of this custom is to define who is in or out of a family by means other than kinship. Kinship makes one a potential member of a family. But close kinsmen can be in different families if the family has decided to stop sharing a budget. Wenjing later continued, ¡°When we (family members) go out to dinner or anywhere everyone will be arguing and yelling ¡®Let me pay!¡¯¡It¡¯s a sign of respect and care.¡± Paying for one another builds a relationship based on reciprocity. In China, it is possible for the same family budget to be shared by a family that crosses several households. One can imagine a family with some members living in a farming village and others living over their shop in a small town, for example. In modern times, Chinese families have been studied that have had members living in several different countries, but all sharing a common budget. Within the family unit, the Chinese parent-child relationship contrasts significantly to that of the American relationship.
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