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Jimi Hendrix was caught shoplifting groceries at the local Safeway this weekend. After being caught with a loaf of bread stuffed down his pants, and a 6-pack of beer stuffed in his shirt, he was arrested. When asked why he was stealing he replied “’Cause I gotta eat.” When searched he had over 50 ‘blotters’ of LSD on him, valued at approximately $500. With further inspection he had a broken nose, reportedly from running into a wall while under the influence. While being held in custody he experienced muscular convulsions, along with a great distortion of senses, heavy breathing, and dangerously high blood pressure.
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